Merry Christmas!!

Christmas eve traditions

For Christmas 2008 Family Shauan is staying in Monroe, NC.  This is the first Christmas that I've been away from my parents since 1999.  But I was in la la land then... drunk on love!  I went to visit Wayne in SoCal for a week to see what his world was like.  That was when we started planning our life together.  Here we are nine years later, trying to "plan" special holiday traditions for our family.  So as long as God allows, here's what December 24th will look like for our family (these things can happen at any location though).  

After dinner we went out front and Avery sprinkled the yard with reindeer food for... well, for the reindeer.  Actually he doused the yard with the food.  He wants to go on a special ride with the reindeer.  The funny thing is he knows the gifts that have been under the tree for several days comes from family and friends, not santa.  He knows santa won't be coming tonight, but I'm pretty sure he thinks there will be an appearance by some reindeer.  So then we came inside and Wayne read the book "Room for a Little One - A Christmas Tale" by Martin Waddell.  After that we "unstuffed" the stockings.  Avery stuck his arm in several times to make sure it was really empty.  Next we watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (Not sure if that will be the movie that makes the yearly tradition).  Finally it was jammas time!  So now all the boys are tucked in bed, I'm watching "It's a Wonderful Life", and sipping Apple Cider.  Tomorrow new traditions begin as well.  But that's another post.  Merry Christmas!

daily life

this is daily life for me...

I just never know who I'm going to get ... and neither do you.

My 9 Names

Okay, I have no excuse.  So I won't even try.  It's been too long.  But I'm officially blogging again.  I must say all my creative juices are currently being put into my naked Christmas tree.  So I'm stealing an idea from my friend Joy that I think is fun.

My 9 Names:

1.  Your Real Name:  Karyn

2.  Your Gangsta Name (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle):  karizzle

3.  Your Detective Name (favorite color and favorite animal):  Red Cat

4.  Your Soap Opera Name (your middle name and street you live on/or your apartment #):  Dawn Talleyrand

5.  Your Star Wars Name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first):  shaka

6.  Your Superhero/Criminal Name (your 2nd favorite color, and favorite candy):  Brown Spree

7.  Your Iraqi Name (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your mom's maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad's name, 1st letter of a sibling's first name, and last letter of your mom's first name):  aasoota

8.  Your Witness Protection Name (parents middle name):  Jill Lee

9.  Your Goth Name (black, and the name of one of your pets):  Black Indy

giraffe raffe flashback friday

Flashback Friday with giraffe raffe!  Avery was giraffe raffe for halloween when he was 14 months and this year Reichen was giraffe raffe at 8 months.  Reichen will find out the hard way that I enjoy putting my babies in their costumes at random times throughout the year.  So giraffe raffe will appear again, not sure if Reichen will be near as happy as he was this time.

seriously? Oprah?

So this evening I was watching the news with Avery.  When all of a sudden he says, "Mama, that looks like you!". Looking up I expected to see Halle Berry or Thandie Newton.  But to my horror, it was OPRAH!!!

Please tell me I don't look like a 50 something year old woman who is crying her eyelashes off!!

broken tradition - flashback friday

It's Flashback Friday!!  And today, October 31, 2008 a Shauan family tradition has been broken.  It's Avery's fifth halloween and Auntie Heather was no where to be found.  And to make it worse.  She missed Reichen's first time trick or treating!  It's not like Auntie Heather is lost.  We know where she is.  She's in Cambodia for six months helping a Khmer church pioneer a missions program. So does she have a good reason to be AWOL?  Yes, of course.  But there is a hole in our pictures, there is a hole in our heart, there is a hole in our family tradition.  It's an Auntie Heather hole.  We miss you Auntie Heather!!  Trick or treating just wasn't the same.  (I couldn't find the pictures of 2006 or 2007, but Heather was there for the chicken and the pirate) 

Auntie Heather and Super Baby 2004

Auntie Heather and Giraffe Raffe 2005

Police Officer Avery wondering where Auntie Heather is 2008

an uncomfortable day

A potentially uncomfortable Flashback Friday

Well, this post might be a little uncomfortable for some.  I apologize in advance.  You don't have to keep reading, I won't be offended (nor will I know).  Now I know everyone is different and everyone handles situations differently as they happen to them.  But for me, I've realized talking or in this case typing about my situation is helping me to "handle" it more.  

Today is October 24, 2008.  I should have had a baby two years ago, today.  But at 11 weeks and 4 days I had a doctor's appointment.  And he couldn't find the baby's heartbeat.  The doctor performed a DNC and just like that, I no longer had my baby.  Other than feeling groggy from being put under, I didn't feel physically different.  I still felt pregnant.  I hoped that I would still be miraculously pregnant.  As a matter of fact I felt that way for another nine weeks, since it took that long for my period to start.  I am normally an emotionally deprived person.  I just have a hard time crying.  I had no idea what to do with this range of emotions that came from within  me.  I just cried, and cried, and cried.  No, actually it's not crying... it's weeping.  I wept, and wept, and wept.  And two years later, it still just slaps me upside the face while I'm doing the most random thing.  I can be getting a glass of water while talking to Wayne about the sky being blue, and tears will just start running down my face.  And he doesn't have to ask.  He knows what is happening.  And in like five minutes, it's over.  

Anger... another foreign concept to me.  I just never get mad.  But after a couple of months, something inside me was raging.  You could be talking to me about how wonderful Mother Theresa was, but in my head I was telling you off with words that would have made a sailor blush.  I didn't show it on the outside at all.  Even Wayne didn't know unless the words "I'm just so angry!!" came out of my mouth.  It wasn't until the words of my friend pierced my heart that I knew I needed help.  We hadn't seen each other in three years.  "Karyn, something's different. There's no longer a sparkle in your eyes".  The next week Wayne and I met with a pastor and his wife.  And that was the last day I felt any anger.  I don't know if the sparkle is back or not, but the rage is gone.  

It wasn't until the miscarriage that I realized just how common it is to have one.  I had no idea that so many women had one or several.  I have many friends who have had multiple miscarriages and quite honestly, I don't know how they do it.  (okay, I really know.  I know it's God's grace!)  I'm just saying.  I just didn't know.  What we did know was that she was not a statistic.  And she wasn't going to be baby #2.  Names are really important to us.  So we gave her a name that would give us hope.

I've never felt the need to ask God why or why us.  Who am I to ask that?  I know she's in a better place, and yada, yada, yada.  But I just wonder about her.  Who would she have looked like?  What would her voice sound like?  How would having her in our family have changed us? And how has not having her in our family changed us?  I just wonder...

I miss her.  I miss my Hope.

Above:  when we thought we had our family planned.  

Below:  would she look like this?

puh, puh, P day

today was puh-puh-P day at avery's puh-puh-Preschool.  he got to wear his puh-puh-Pajamas.  for show and tell he took puh-puh-Pablo.  for snack they had puh-puh-Pancakes.  And drew puh-puh-Pumpkins.  And he puh-puh-Played with his best puh-puh-Pal puh-puh-Preston.  And now everything that starts with puh-puh-P must be said with puh-puh first!

Wayne has the camera in San Diego, so I had to use photo booth for this puh-puh-picture.

because it's almost heaven

It's been 13 years since I've been home to see the changing of the leaves.  Actually, I didnt' make it this year either.  But I was able to relive it through my friend Gene's pictures.  So I thought I would share a few with you.  This is the town I grew up in.  It's small.  It has character.  It's almost heaven.  It's West Virginia... (with a big pinch of Maryland thrown in).

An Old Friend is Retiring

Introducing Flashback Friday!  

When we got this Manchester United outfit for Avery we had no idea he would wear it so long.  Well, maybe we did.  Avery was forced to wear clothes way longer than he should have because I was too broken hearted to pack them away, never knowing if I would see them on another baby or not.  Another boy baby has come so it's with great pride that I can say "ManU, you have served Avery well!  Now go to your resting place in the size 12 month tub.  Enjoy your rest with the other clothes, for soon you shall be called upon to serve Reichen.  And something tells me that he will be way harder on you than Avery ever was!"  

Now please don't think that just because ManU is going in the size 12 month tub, that he is actually that size.  Oh, no.  He would probably be a size 3T.  We got ManU for Avery so that he could be like his Uncle Nigel.  And that's the smallest size we could find.  That's why he's swimming in it in the first two pictures (he was 13 months old).  Please note that as he grew, the outfit did not.  Thus, he's starting to look a bit silly in the last two pictures.  We shall see you in four months ManU!

our first trip to a pumpkin patch

Last Sunday I planned a little family outing to a pumpkin patch.  Now the first sign that this was a bad idea should have been the fact that I planned it.  See when I plan things (especially if my friend Megan is involved, but she actually wasn't this time) they tend to tank.  I don't know what the deal is.  None the less, I planned and we went, some reluctantly.  I talked it up big time on the way there... we'll be sitting on bales of hay, there's a bunch of farm animals that we can pet, pumpkins that we can pick out of the actual patch, and think of how cool you'll look in your orange shirts!  Turns out it's a hayless tractor ride, animals behind fences that aren't hungry and that you can't really pet, and pumpkins that are lined up on a board for you to "pick" from the patchless patch, and 50 other kids looking cool in their orange shirts!  Oh, and then there's the mother trying to take a picture of her 3 men that went over as well as usual (that mother would be me).  Reichen won't look at the camera, Avery won't look at the camera, and Wayne has his patience tried with the camera lady saying "one more time".  Next year I'm going to the pumpkin patch my friend Jana suggested.  And the boys will be forced to go because momma has planned.

redemption is coming

I'm not afraid to admit I'm an addict. Long live Jack Bauer!

time out torture device???

Although I'm sure this could be well used as a time out torture device, its better use is as "box boy", another superhero!  Avery hasn't really been exposed to the Marvel super heroes yet, but he has no problem using his imagination to create his own superheroes (as you can clearly see below).  Box boy refused to look at the camera as this would give away his true identity.  What are his superpowers you ask?  Well, we're not sure other than he is able to collapse quickly.

beautiful weather and beautiful boys

It was 66 degrees outside so the boys and I headed out to play and enjoy the weather.  Thought I'd share the cute pictures I took before being attacked by the menacing mosquitoes.

Why does it take 20 of this first one to get one good picture?

Is he doing CPR?                           Reichen saying "Gnarly" with his hand

when boosters react

Last Thursday Avery went to the doc to get his 4 year old boosters for DTP, MMR, Chickenpox and Polio.  Anytime he gets a shot you would think it was a near death experience for him... screaming, kicking, wailing, flailing and that's just at the doctor's office.  By the time we're home, his legs no longer work (even when the shots are just in his arms).  He has to be carried everywhere.  And life will barely go on.  He's never had a "real or documented" reaction.  Just a kid's "normal" reaction.  So Friday morning when he said his arm hurt a little, I thought nothing of it.  It was probably just from sleeping on it.  It was a little red, but the doctor said that happens sometimes.  Then at 5:05 (five minutes after the doctor's office closed!!), I noticed his arm was red from shoulder to elbow and really hot.  The nurses hotline said just to watch it and call the doctor Monday so they can document it.  It didn't get worse... until Saturday when of course the doctor's office is still closed.  So after a short call to the nurse hotline, they said take him to urgent care as soon as you can.  What had changed?  The size of his arm.  It was now swollen two inches more than it should have been.  After a week of an antibiotic, Benadryl and Hydrocortizone Cream his arm is back to its normal size.  My boy's arm no longer looks like he is a weight lifter or on steroids.  Thank God he doesn't get any more boosters until he's 12.

Doesn't he look so sad?

God works through poop... baby poop.

If the word poop offends you, don't read any further.

When Reichen was five weeks old I took him to see the doctor (who we think is the best pediatrician in the world).  I was taking him in because I thought his poop looked funny.  What can I say, I'm a first time mom with my second son as well.  Well, his poop was colorful but fine.  But God used his autumn poop for us to find out that he was very underweight.  We thought he looked skinny, but I guess because we saw him every minute of every day that we didn't realize just how skinny he was.  At two weeks Reichen was back at his birth weight which is normal.  But at five weeks he had only put on about 5 ounces which is a dangerously small amount (if babies don't put on the right amount of weight, it can affect their brain development among other things).  So we were sent to see a gastro specialist (who we think is the best gastro specialist in the world).  The goal was to get Reichen to double his birth weight at 6 months while still being able to breastfeed.  Each time we went to the specialist we saw improvements.  Last week was his 6 month checkup and let's just say the boy is a porker.  He has some pants that he should be able to wear, but can't because they won't go over his thunder thighs.  I guess he gets that from me too!  So what started out as a concern about the color of poop, ended up potentially saving our little guy's life.  

For the past four years God has used my boys to speak to me.  And of course this situation was no different.  And what could God possibly say?  I have spiritual poop.  Yes, spiritual poop.  God's Word goes in my body (or in this case spirit) as truth.  I chew on it, digest it, and God uses it to get rid of the toxins in my body ( or in this case spirit).  But to keep those toxins from coming back in, I need to be more observant of what they are.  It's easy just to flush, but maybe I should examine it first... and allow God to use it for something good.

Reichen at 6 weeks above.

Reichen at 6 months below.

Eight years

I wasn't looking for a boyfriend.  No seriously, I wasn't.  I can recognize "those girls".  You know the ones who say "I don't want a boyfriend", but scans the room trying to make eye contact with some gorgeous, vulnerable prey.  The girls who quickly change their standing position to make sure one hip is slightly sticking out.  And then licks their lips so that they glissen.  And then is "shocked" to find the next day they have a boyfriend.  I know "those girls".  And trust me, it's not me.  

Six months earlier I had a discussion with God and let him know that I was happy to be single for the rest of my life.  And as a matter of fact, I could do much more as a single missionary.  I would conquer the world on my own.  No problem.  Evidently my conversation was one-sided.  I did all the talking.  I was at a Mission Adventures conference looking for something to do on my afternoon off.  And sure enough, he had to go and do it.  He walked through the door.  As soon as I saw him, I looked for a wedding ring.  Nothing there.  He looks German, maybe there's one on his right hand.  Nope, nothing.  Well, maybe he just doesn't wear one.  He has to be taken.  Karyn, what are you doing?  You will not be one of those girls.  I'll just avoid him. And no I don't mean play hard to get.  So I quickly make plans to go into town with a friend (who is a girl, but also not one of those girls).  We're going to ride in the van with the YWAM leaders into town.  That will kill four hours.  And he won't be with us, hah!  I have won!  As we're getting in the van, my friend is reminded that she has worship practice and can't go.  Oh well, I'll still go.  So I'm in the front passenger seat waiting on the van driver.  And yes, you guessed it.  Who should open the driver's door?  Mr. I don't have a wedding ring on because I'm not married!    

I guess there was a reason why my conversation with God was only one-sided.  He must have been too busy smiling while I was running my mouth with my great plans!

October 22, 1999, three days after he opened the van door.

August 26, 2000

avery turns four

I thought he would never...

get out of my belly

have blonde hair with blue eyes and white skin

stop crying

stop spitting up all over me

say "mama"

ride facing forward in the car

crawl

turn one

walk

poop without crying

turn two

give up his pacifier

have hair that didn't stick up

make me laugh so much

make me cry so much

turn three

say the pledge of allegiance so young

go more than 4 months without getting an ear infection

pronounce "s" when he talks

learn to say his full name with avery in it

turn four

Today is Avery's 4th birthday.  It feels like yesterday Doula Danielle and Wayne were telling me to breathe.  I loved him when he was in my belly, but I was "in love" with him as soon as I heard him cry for the first time.  I even instantly had the "mama" voice.  Who knew that was within me?  I sure didn't.  But there it was, uncontrollable, just like my love for him.  He's amazing, he's smart, he's funny, he's gorgeous, he's loving, he's tender, but best of all he's forgiving.  I wasn't prepared for how much I would learn about my loving Father through having a son.  

People say once you have children, you won't remember what life was like before them.  I disagree.  I remember vividly what it was like... And this side of life is far better.  

would Avery try this?

Avery has really taken interest in these claw machines.  I want him to take risks and be adventurous, but I sure hope he never tries what this little girl did!

top five reasons why I started a blog

Well, well, well... look who went and started a blog.  I swore I never would, yet here I am... blogging.  What better way to start than giving the top five reasons why I started a blog.  Drumroll please!

5.  I told myself I'm not creative or tech savvy enough to do one, so now I have to prove myself wrong.  (For example, I don't know how to make my header picture smaller!!!)

4.  So my mom can watch her grandkids grow.

3.  I really shouldn't hoard my craziness, I'm in to sharing!

2.  I need more discipline in my life, and this is something I now have to commit to.

1.  Something happens and my first thought is "I could blog about that!"